Today I want to talk to you guys about something I would’ve never dreamed of talking about even just a year ago. This has been my #1 insecurity, and while for most of you that was painfully obvious, I want to address quite a few things.
I want to tell you what it’s been like to live with acne, and I want to tell you what I’ve learned.
I cannot even express to you how many hurtful comments I’ve heard people make about me since I hit puberty and acne started to form. I also cannot tell you how many times those comments, and my very own self esteem has lead me into full blown panic attacks because of it.
When I was younger I would avoid going swimming, and doing fun things with my friends because I was terrified of what they might say about me. Of course now I understand they weren’t my friends to begin with. I had no concept of well intentioned friends (this will be something I address later on down the line.)
This lead to caking my face with makeup, and never taking it off. At this point in my life, I was not necessarily wearing makeup for myself. I was doing it to avoid being bullied.
For those of you without acne, and maybe even some of you who do struggle with it, you might not understand.
**As for me personally, these things really bothered me. It was a long, and has been a rough road to trying to learn to love myself.
One of the worst things I found was hearing my “friends” give me advice on how to take care of my skin. I was doing more for my skin than they ever had collectively in their life.
I was sick of having bumps on my face, for some reason signaling to others I wasn’t taking care of it. For most acne sufferers, you’re probably sick of hearing “you should try proactive.”
Trust me, most of us have. It doesn’t work for everyone. In fact, I haven’t heard of it working for hardly anyone?
Anyways, the stigma behind acne has always bothered me. Certainly, for some they actually do not take care of their face. But thinking logically, could you really foresee someone with something that is painful and attention attracting in a negative way not doing a thing about it?
It was exhausting feeling like when people looked at me, they didn’t see anything except for my blemishes. It was hard hearing jokes people would make about “take her swimming,” or “go to bed with a ten, wake up with a two.”
The truth about skin problems is, genetics play a big part in your skin. Getting in touch with your skin, especially with difficult skin problems is hard. Finding something that works, and consistently works is hard.
I remember watching the “You Look Disgusting” youtube video by My Pale Skin, and crying. Not just a soft tear, but ugly crying. Because I felt every last comment on a personal level. Every. Single. Day. If you haven’t watched that video, I highly suggest it.
You see, for some, having acne is having panic attacks when you feel someone is staring at you sometimes.
It’s hard looking in the mirror at retail stores.
It’s not being able to embrace a bare face in the sun without feeling self conscious.
It’s trying to love yourself when it feels like everyone says you’re ugly.
We are always our biggest critics, and I know I’ve seen my skin problems worse than anyone else has seen them. The same goes for my fellow acne sufferers.
These are things we can learn to love ourselves for. These are things we can overcome. These are things we can learn to shut out.
These are things I am trying to change, and these are things I am working on.
I’ve missed out on so much of my teenage years, and having fun over something society has constructed to being abnormal.
If you’re somewhere out there in the world, please hear me… you are not alone.
You are beautiful. You are loved.
We are in this journey together.
I’m glad that today with so many inspirational YouTubers, and empowering men and women that have come forward to embrace their skin and help others feel less alone in their own skin.