“Will feminists stop their incessant bitching?”
“You’re excluding men from the conversation.”
“You already have rights, stop crying.”
“I don’t need feminism because my life is fine.”
These things translate as follows: I do not need a movement that has made legendary changes, for men, and women because I can’t personally recognize everyday sexism, misogyny, misandry, and so on.
Feminists are unnecessary because women can vote, right? Feminism is useless because women can run for president right? Let me remind you there are women, and men as we speak being sold as sex slaves. Let me remind you that transgender men, and women do not see equal rights. Let me also remind you, when you mistreat, or undermine a foundation built to construct equal rights for women, AND MEN you are only further proving we as a society need feminism. We need its representation. Now, before we begin let me expand on something, one if you are going to jump at any of my statements with “not all men,” let me remind you that you are trying to preserve and fight for your very own ego over the tragic events of women. Let me rephrase that, if I do not say “all men,” do not assume I mean all men.
I am exhausted with following every last statement I make with, “I’m not talking about all men! I am not generalizing them. There are great men, and there are bad men!” Even though in society, women are generalized on a regular basis. Regardless of your sex, gender, race, or religion there will always be a bad apple. As you cannot hide behind your identification, or under the guise of your purity or innocence and defend those who have been wrong. This applies to everyone.
As a woman, I would like to acknowledge that intersectional feminism acknowledges everyone’s rights, including men. I think it’s necessary to reassure you I am not here to promote my gender to be superior. Anyone who does so, practicing misandry, and /or prioritizing solely white female rights are not practicing feminism. Feminists aren’t here to degrade men, they’re here to empower them as well. I will address this later on in this post.
I’m not going to spend this blog explaining why I don’t hate men, I could only hope we can settle this with “a man of quality is not threatened by a woman of equality.” I shouldn’t have to explain these things. If you are still certain feminism is anti-man, you are blissfully unaware of feminist motives, and that’s your problem. It is not my job to teach you. My beliefs were self taught, and I hope we can all recognize we, are humans are capable of personal thought. I didn’t have someone sit me down in a room with a guideline on how to smash the patriarchy. I wish that actually happened, but ultimately we cannot force beliefs onto everyone.
I’m constantly torn between being irritated that I still have to explain to others why I care about feminism, and saddened by it simultaneously. It’s sad that the name itself has been degraded for solely having the word “fem” in it, which somehow implied it was only for a woman. As a stupid argument, would that mean “humanity” and “man-made” and “human-kind” mean it is only for a man? It’s mind-boggling that there are people in the world who denounce feminism run by that logic, while failing to realize how flawed that is.
Here’s the thing, as a woman I can recognize women are not equally represented. Also, as a woman I can recognize men see unfair treatment. As a woman I do not want my genders physical and mental abuse to be excused, as it would not be if the roles were reversed. As a woman I can recognize men hardly see fair custody battles, and are often deemed unfit to raise a child. As a woman I can recognize we have hypersexualized the female body, which makes it difficult for a woman to breastfeed her child without someone being offended by a nipple. As a woman I know that women are more prone to being raped, and hardly see justice as a victim. I can also recognize when men are raped, they are less likely to speak out about it because we have created this idea that men cannot be raped.
Men have toxic gender stereotypes, and they are expected to live up to a degree os masculinity, and when they fail to do so they are seen as “weak.” Women have expectations put on them as sex is irresistible when it comes to rape cases, but when a woman is impregnated she should have been more responsible. We’ve created laws where rapists can demand visitation, or partial custody of the child, but a woman is denied the choice to terminate product/child of said rape? I will always recognize the harmful structures we’ve created in society that hurt men, but if you override discussions about women I will not listen. Because if you cared about women as equally as men, you would let both have a voice.
Women are murdered on a daily basis for simply saying, “no.” When the judge asks, “well why didn’t you say no?” Suddenly we’ve forgotten the fear that has been instilled by saying the word in the first place. As a feminist, I do not want a man nor a woman to be falsely accused of rape. However, that is a very small percentage and false accusations will always come with anything and everything. However, I think if rape were to be taken more seriously it would turn to virtually no false accusations. Who knows. On another note, I do not want men to be forcefully drafted into war as I sit at home in front of the computer screen. I do not want you to feel scared in society for not holding yourself up as a dominant.
I do not want women to walk around at night with keys in between her fingers, and I do not want women to be afraid in a room full of men. I do not want women to continue to normalize abuse because we romanticized boys not taking no for an answer as little kids. I do not want future children to grow up in a society knowing sexual harassment in the work place is normal, or seen as “just a joke.” I don’t want my fellow females to be silenced by their oppressors. I do not want women in foreign countries being brutally raped and murdered.
I want recognition where recognition is deserved, and I want you to remember that just because someone has been hateful hiding behind “feminism” does not imply they are a feminist. That is like saying all who vote republican love Trump. That just isn’t the case. Now, for my anti-feminist women, you are spitting on every last women who marched in the cold, and marched in the heat for your right to vote. You are stepping on the legacy of women fighting for your rights as a female in the past, and future. You are kicking the women who fought to make marital rape a crime. You reap the rewards women have fought for, while you slam and discredit those who fought just for you. You can kindly kiss my ass.
No, I will not be apologetic and kind to the unfriendliness of women’s equality. No, I will not stroke your ego when you feel unsatisfied. Because it is not my job to accommodate to you while you disrespect every woman on this planet because you think your feelings are more important than those who are beat, shot, killed, and degraded for being female or saying no.
Ultimately, feminism is meant to be all inclusive. If MRA were out standing for the men who have been raped, instead of using them as a token to why they think feminism is anti-man I would feel otherwise. However, MRA are fighting women on why they’re “wrong.” I will respect opinions as long as it does not disrespect someones rights. As we make laws that criminalize trans women, and men, but fail to actually convict actual predators guilty of crimes. We need feminism because when a female teacher rapes a boy, comments are flooded with “he should’ve enjoyed it!” While feminists are here to validate the pain of that boy.
Men, and women, the patriarchy hurts you all. Men, you are allowed to weep. Females, you shouldn’t have to feel afraid. I don’t want to make conversations about men’s hurt feelings when articles arise about women standing for their equality because they keep getting murdered and attacked for being female. I do not want to keep arguing on why I deserve to hold the same rights as you, because when it fits your narrative I do, but when it’s outside of argument, you say all women are moody psychopaths who belong in the kitchen. I do not want to have to remind you that it is okay for a man to take a woman’s last name, as it has been fine traditionally for years that a woman do that for a man. We’ve never even seen a female president, and women make up a very small percentage of our government.
Women, when you open a bank account, or sign into your social media accounts please remember that other women fought for your right to make your own choices in said examples. Men, when you say feminism hate men, you are discrediting our battles we are fighting for you. Feminism doesn’t hurt you, it helps you. It helps your mothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, grandmas, fathers, and those who identify otherwise. It does not serve respect on a silver platter to those who openly disrespect it. If you are so ignorant to believe otherwise, as I said, that is your problem. When women of color are being paid less, and being told they are not allowed to wear their natural hair to work, while white celebrities wear it as a “fashion statement.” When we glamorize what minorities have been harassed for, we have an issue to address.
No, I’m not a “fucking feminazi” because caring for the rights of all women does not equate to genocide. Belittling me as an opponent does not make my voice small, it ignites fire and strengthens me. If you belittle me to silence me, you are proving my very point. It is not relevant to categorize and use the negative/misrepresentation of feminism as the face of your argument because you want to prove your point. That is reductive. Calling feminist “cancerous” is abusive, and again, you are only proving my point.
When those with privilege find themselves offended by a movement to empower, and uplift those who have been kicked to the ground, they are fearful because their voice is no longer the loudest. This isn’t a pissing contest, this is trying to prevent the same scenario of “don’t get raped” and replacing it with “don’t fucking rape someone.” Consent is necessary, and finding excuses for not receiving it is stupid. Because let me ask you, if it were your mother how would you feel? Women are people, and they do not need explanation on why you thought you had the right to put your dick in her.
Because the woman behind the trashcan didn’t consent, but her abuser was provided with sympathy because they feared he would be traumatized by punishment. Because the wife who asked for a divorce last week that was shot in the head didn’t get a chance. We can reverse these events, we can only change them.
Feminism is for everyone. Most of the time, even anti-feminists want the same thing. They’re just so offended by a word that they do not even understand, because it is a female centered word.
“But I’m a nice guy.” Great, you don’t get a golden token for being a good person. “Women only like guys that are mean to them.” Women have been taught, at a very young age, that boys being mean to you must mean they like you.
“I don’t need feminism, I have equal rights.” I ate today, so world hunger must be over, right?
“A feminist said she hated all men, she even wrote a book about it.” A man has wrote millions of books about how he fantasizes about raping women, but you’re not concerned about that. Just because someone practices hate under the guise of a good/bad label, does not mean they are what they hide behind.
In conclusion (for now) hating feminism doesn’t make you cute, and quirky. It doesn’t make you more appealing to others, and if it does, you’re attracting the wrong people. This is just the tip of the iceberg, and I will be trying to melt down most of it.